Swamp Thingy's Halloween
by Swamp Thingy
Professional Muse with degrees M.U.D., B.O.G., and O.O.Z.E.
In spite of the fact that my employer doesn't like me taking holidays, I do on occasion. This year I went Halloweening. Maybe you saw me or were one of those people who yelled at the group of kids I was with when I slimed up their walk to get a treat. The kids thought it was a great trick and asked me to show them how I did it. Well, I told them it was a thin gelatin I kept in a tube. So look out homeowners. Next year I won't be the only one doing the sliming.
I don't need a costume which is handy. Halloween is the one time of year when us creatures that look like a horror-movie monster can go out and not get chased with brooms. I still have broom straw in my backside that hasn't worked its way out yet. Feels a bit like having porcupine quills in there. I did get told by the police again this year that I needed to wear light reflective clothes so I borrowed a battery-operated blinking sign from a road work site. It satisfied their requirements, but I hear they had to fish a few inebriates out of the ditch where the broken water line was. Fortunately, it isn't deep and I'll put the sign back on my next outing. I can't figure out how to stop that awful blinking and it is disrupting my sleep. My employer is beginning to complain about the quality of the ideas I send her, too.
On my night out, I did run into a few of the real critters of the night. One came flapping at me when a late-season moth got stuck on my head. It's always sticky with a thin coating of slime. Anyhow, that critter wanted the moth and got stuck on me too. One of the smart-alecky teenagers who were too old to trick or treat tossed a stuffed toy cat at me. It also stuck. I had the last laugh on him when he got stuck in an especially thick puddle of slime and fell. He had an awful time getting to his feet. It took three of his pals to get him up. The fun came when they were all stuck together. I had added a layer of quick drying glue to my slime and it worked. I think the policemen that arrested them for blocking the sidewalk are probably still laughing. Well, maybe after they get them out of the back seat of their patrol car. It'd be interesting to know what solvent they use to free them from the seat.
An owl tried to carry off the stuffed cat that was stuck on my head. He didn't get stuck, but I sure was covered with feathers. One of the kids said I looked like a travelling dump, but another said I should add some dead leaves for a real effect. I did when we came to a big pile the city hadn't collected yet. Well, I let them throw the leaves on me after they all had fun rolling in the pile. The branches and sticks in the leaves itched so I kept trying to scratch. A policemen stopped me and wanted to know what a drunk was doing trick or treating with a bunch of kids. I tried to tell him my problem, but he wouldn't listen and made me ooze my way into his back seat. The heater was on and it made my slime run. By the time we reached the police station, all the leaves and sticks were floating in a puddle on the floor and back seat. He was a little mad at me for that, but I still think it was his own fault.
They didn't put me in a cell and the janitor followed me around with his mop and bucket, swiping up my trail on his floor. His mop was ruined when it left strings all along our trail. I could hear him cussing about that and how his shoe soles were being pulled off. I guess that glue was long lasting. That guy didn't sound like he enjoyed Halloween at all.
After that, I went home to relax. My employer started yelling at me when I tried to get back into my bog. It seems some of that quick drying glue was still on me and I got tangled in her hair. She had to use scissors to separate us. Now she is nearly bald and I look like a wig with mange. Does anybody know how long it will take for that mess to wear off.
Regardless of my problems, I had a blast. I slept until late the next day before I could try any of the candy I got. I didn't have a sack like the other kids and when I pulled my treats out of my stomach pouch to eat them for breakfast, I found they were all messy and mashed together. They were delicious. I washed them down with brown bog water. I hope to do this again. Do you think they'd allow me to trick or treat on Thanksgiving?
(by Anne K. Edwards)
Anne K. Edwards writes in a variety of genres and enjoys the creative challenge in each. She lives on a small farm in south central Pennsylvania with several cats. Her interests include meeting people and reading for pleasure and review.
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Published by permission of the author.